The Five tasks of the Unicorn Paladins
by The Plaid Hatter
Summary: Sometimes to reach the past, it is necessary to go to the future. MAKE SENSE OF THAT! Okays...better summary. The cats, and a very nerdy boy are in charge of saiving the unicorns all over the world. Happy?
1. Chapter 1

**The Craziness That is Crazy**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Catscratch, although I doubt anything would change if I did.**

It was a perfect morning, Blik decided. Hovas had not tried to put arsenic in his cereal, Waffle was occupied with feeding his new baby newt mashed peas, and Gordan's annoying accent was not within Blik's precious hearing distance. Yes, everything was perfect.

"Open up little newty-newt. Here comes the choo-choo." Waffle said in a cooing voice to the baby.

The cooing voice was kind of annoying, but Blik wasn't about to let that ruin his perfect morning. He would just have to drown it out…

"Aww! Mister newty likes the musheid peas, doesn't he? _Yes he does. Yes he does._"

Blik tapped on the table with his claws, but Waffle's infuriating voice was enough to make him want to take his cereal and drown in it. There had to be another escape…beside feline suicide, that is.

In a desperate attempt for a perfect morning, Blik ran to his room to retrieve his MP3 player. He turned the volume up as high as it would go, and let the sweet sound of the Dixie Chicks soothe his soul. Now, he was going to be able to eat his breakfast in peace.

"LISTEN TO THE SONG UNCLE BLIK IS LISTENING TOO, BABY NEWTY!!!!! THAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE, ISN'T IT? HOW ABOUT WE SING ALONG!!!!!"

When Waffle and Baby Newty opened their mouth to sing, Blik decided that an outburst was the only way to solve the problem.

"A perfect morning is all I ask, but _noooooooooo_!!! I have Gordan handing out Scottish wisdom that doesn't make any sense, Hovas trying to kill me, and you and your darn newts getting rid of any sanity Gordan and Hovas have left behind!!!"

Blik jumped on the table. His once black fur was now a solid red.

"Why don't you all come out and say it! You live to make me miserable! You enjoy seeing me scream in frustration! You all HATE me!!!!"

"Yes," Hovas said, trying his best to hold back a smile.

Blik screamed in rage.

"If you all are going to be like this, then maybe I should take my breakfast in my room!"

At that, Blik grabbed his bowl of cereal, and made his way to the door.

"Uncle Blik is being a grumpy pants," Waffle whispered to Baby Newty, who nodded a newty yes.

"I heard that!" Blik screamed over his shoulder at Waffle as he tried his best to open the door and balance his precious cereal.

Suddenly, the door burst open, sending Blik and his cereal across the room. On the other side of the door was an excited yet exhausted Gordan.

"Guys! Come quickly! We're needed!"

Blik, who was covered in milk and soggy cornflakes, took the over turned cereal bowl off of his head, and glared at his brother. In a _very_ angry tone he said, "Now I can't even eat. My own _brothers_ want me to starve. _It's sickening_."

"But Blik," Gordan argued, "this is important."

"More important than a flying fish?" asked Waffle.

"Aye, lad. More important than a _thousand_ flying fish."

Waffle's jaw dropped to the floor.

By now, Blik was infuriated. He was starving because his milk and soggy cereal were on his outside when everyone knew _good and well_ it was supposed to be on the inside, not to mention the fact that he had been hit by a door and knocked into a wall. He was sure there were some broken bones somewhere in him.

Instead of taking a butcher knife and attacking his brothers (and maybe Hovas if he wasn't too tired) he stayed silent as Gordan explained his self.

"Brothers," he said with the same power he had used in his speeches after watching Braveheart for the first time, "Human Kimberly needs our help! She and the Unicorn Club are holding a secret meeting, of which we are invited to.

"It is an honour to be invited to a meeting without being a member, so I want you two be on your best behavior. Do you understand?"

Blik rolled his eyes while Waffle waved his hand in the air eagerly.

"Yes, Waffle."

"Can I bring Baby Newty?"

Gordan thought on it for a while, then shook his head.

"Leave the wee lad with Hovas. We'll only be a little while."

Waffle nodded, and went over the proper techniques of taking care of a baby newt with Hovas while Gordan decided to confide in Blik.

He gave him a grim look as he said, "Things are looking bad, my brother. Dark omens have passed by, and we have ignored them for our own convenience. We must heed the danger now that a shadow is creeping over the world."

"Gordan," Blik said as he put his hand on his brother's shoulder, "_please_, no more Lord of the Rings."

**Sorry about the crappiness of this chapter. I needed a beginning, and my beginnings always suck. Besides that, pleeze review! I lixes it when you guys review. It makes me smile smiles happily with a little shine on my strangely perfect teeth**


	2. Chappy twoooooooo!

**Every Dog Has His Day**

**DISCLAIMER: Uhh…I'm way to lazy to disclaim anything right now. Just hit the back button, and read my other disclaimer. Atta boy.**

Waffle, Gordan, and Mr. Blik hurried to Human Kimberly's house. As Gordan had explained before, time was of the essence. On the way there, Gordan and Blik kept to themselves, both concerned about two totally different things. Gordan, the noble one, worried about the future of his beloved Human Kimberly while Blik worried if vitamin D milk stained fur. Waffle was also worried, but for a different reason.

Gordan, seeing his brother's angst, patted him on the shoulder.

"It's all right, lad. I'm sure Newty will be fine."

Waffle shook his head and sniffled. "I've never left him on his own before. What if Hovas forgets something? I should go back."

Gordan grabbed Waffle's tail before he made a mad dash for the mansion.

"Newty will be fine," Gordan said again, this time with more assurance in his voice.

Waffle smiled weakly, letting a few tears escape. He knew that he had to leave Newty alone in the big world eventually. His little reptile was growing up.

The Unicorn Club clubhouse was a short walk from the cats' mansion. Gordan led the way having been there so many times that he could probably reach the front door safely while blindfolded.

When the cats reached the clubhouse, they noticed that something was different. There was an air of woe that covered the house like a wet blanket.

"Something feels off," Gordan said in a small whisper as he and his brothers entered the house.

The club house was usually decorated with pink curtains with white lace, a periwinkle shag carpet, unicorn posters, multiple playthings little girls played with, and a plastic table with four plastic chairs usually used for holding the daily tea parties.

When the cats entered the house, they found that things on the inside looked as off as the outside felt. Instead of bright and happy doo-dads strolled about, the room was clean. The walls were bare except a fuchsia flag with a pink and light blue unicorn standing proudly in an epic pose. The plastic table was gone, but the four plastic chairs were still there. There were lined up in front of a wooden podium where Human Kimberly stood.

She looked as strong as ever, Gordan decided, but something was troubling her. There was worry written all over the creases on her forehead. Something sinister was upsetting his boney lass. Something sinister indeed.

The three cats and Human Kimberly weren't the only living things in the meeting room. Sitting in one of the four plastic chairs was a young boy, about Kimberly's age, wearing a sweater vest and very thick glasses. He looked nervous and was constantly puffing on an inhaler.

Because of the strange environment, the cats were cautious as they found their seats. Human Kimberly blew a sweet note on a recorder, calling the meeting to order.

"My friends," she began in a powerful voice that made everyone in the room feel as if they were being lectured to by an experienced general, "I have summoned all of you here today with news so grim that I wish it was not my duty to deliver it.

"However, it is my place to tell you that things are changing. No longer is the mighty unicorn the ruler of the free lands, but a fabled creature forced to hide in the shadows. These unicorns are still as powerful as they were eons ago despite their exile."

The room remained silent except for the short echo of the last few words of the speech as Human Kimberly sipped on her juice box. She cleared her throat and continued.

"For the most part, humans have doubted the existence of the beings they once served. This, I suppose, was for the better giving that many humans are greedy, wanting only riches and glory."

All eyes landed on Blik. Annoyed at the newly positioned spotlight, Blik interrupted, "What does this have to do with anything?"

Kimberly glared at Blik as a preacher giving a lesson on Jesus would if Blik were to ask the same question during church.

Anger aside, Human Kimberly decided to wrap up her speech.

"A greedy gang of humans have taken a unicorn so that they can exploit its deep magic. Sadly, this isn't a rare tale. Many a unicorn are abducted, have their magical horns sawn off, and are sold for cheap farm horses. We, the people ever loyal to the unicorn, try our best to protect these amazing beasts, but something has happened to set us back."

The entire room was on pins and needles. Everything was silent. Even the birds outside had decided to stop their song for that one moment.

Human Kimberly lowered her head, and in a shaken voice said, "The Lead Mare has been taken."

Everyone in the room, except Blik, gasped.

"What are we to do?" cried the boy with the inhaler.

Gordan watched Human Kimberly blink back tears. She was _really_ upset about the whole ordeal, yet she was still trying to be the brave leader she had to be in order to save the Lead Mare. She was one to be admired.

"Our magicians have tried to save the Lead Mare," she said, "but they have all failed. It is now up to us, two unicorn elders and three unicorn newbs, so save the unicorn race from this new enemy."

Human Kimberly stepped down from her podium. From an oversized bag slung over her shoulder, she pulled out a small glass bottle on a thing, silver chain. She handed this to Blik.

Blik took it, puzzled, but kept it without complain all the same. He was sure that the chain was real silver and the bottle was some sort of rare crystal.

"This is an unbreakable bottle of an unknown potion." She told him. "When the time comes to use it, you will know what it is for."

The next thing she pulled out was a roll of bubble wrap. This she handed to Waffle. Both Gordan and Blik flinched. They remembered all too well how they had become paupers overnight because of Waffle and his bubble wrap fetish.

The third thing that came from the bag was…another bag. She gave it to the boy, who saluted her then stepped back in line like a soldier. Seeing this, Waffle saluted Kimberly too followed by Gordan and Blik who saluted awkwardly. They only did it to fit in.

The last thing to be pulled out of the bag was a set of fuzzy, blue dice. Gordan, the new owner of the dice, looked at them questionably. They looked completely useless, but if Human Kimberly said that they would help, that was reason enough for him.

Human Kimberly looked at the group with admiration. Without a doubt, these were to four above all others who would pull it off. She bid them quick farewells (as it was said before, time was of the essence) and sent them in four different directions: north, south, east, and west.

Before heading in his direction, east, Gordan turned to Human Kimberly for a last, silent goodbye. Instead, he saw her standing on a grassy knoll, her brunette hair blowing wildly in the breeze and a beautiful sword pointed to the heavens. The hilt of the sword was made of the strongest candy cane and the blade was made of the sweetest graham cracker pie crust, no doubt filled with cream.

Kimberly, his brave Kimberly, was not going to retrieve the Lead Mare with them. She was going on a much more dangerous journey. She was going to war.

**Whoa! War?! I so didn't see that coming when I started this Fanfic, _but there it is_. I'm sorry if I haven't updated in…forever. That is because of a few reasons. 1. I could only work on and post this chapter in 2nd period where I have a computer with internet access. 2. Graduation tests were this week. I am still wigging out. 3. I am very lazy. **

**I don't know when the next up date will be. I am absolutely positive that it will not be next week because next week is spring break. Spring breakno school. No schoolno internet-connected computer. I promise you that I will dedicate my spring break to writing in my notebook. On my word as a gentleman…although I am of the woman variety.**

**What else was I going to bore you with? Oh yeah! About a month ago, they were giving out Catscratch toys at McDonald's. Since I have family working there, I was dead set on irking them until I got a Waffle plushie. I am happy to say that I now have a Waffle plushie along with every toy they were giving out. Wanna know why? My aunt gave me the display case after they were done selling the toys!!!! I was so happy! It was the first time I hugged a relative on my own free will!!!!!!! Go me!!!!!**


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